i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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