they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
