It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
