i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
