I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
