First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
