Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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