I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
