Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
