It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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