I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
