My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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