Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize