Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
