We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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