I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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