Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is Oprah even human
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
