Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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