rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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