I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
