i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hippo gnu deer
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
