How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
