I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize