Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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