so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Edward fifth and chaser hands
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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