matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
