Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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