I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
