a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
