I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
