shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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