Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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