Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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