I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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