what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
