loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
