When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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