we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
