Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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