just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
