I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
