Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
