Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
