He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
