I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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