My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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