I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
we should paint friendship bongs
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
