I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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