i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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