Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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