There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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