pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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