i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
