come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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