Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
