fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
