but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
