I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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