Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
