smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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