OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
