i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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