She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
