So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
