so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
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