He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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