how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
