Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
