Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
