Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
