I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
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Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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