So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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