All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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