Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
