I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
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At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize