She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
