If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
