you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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