I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
