Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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