Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
