i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
