She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
