I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
